Rain fell at the afternoon, bring a little cool.
It is plum rain season in south China, the damp and hot climate make me uncomfortable, walked along Qinhuai river after off duty, the sky was clean up, Phase of evening primrose had passed, a little flower bloomed restively at embankment, the others came back embrace of earth mother early. a fishman stood in the river and check his net under water, some anglers sat beside river, stared buoy, and waited during the whole sunset.
Suddenly, I felt a little sad without any cause, the running water, or other view glimpsed in the road, I did not know why my mood became ugly at that time. Day after day, the lifetime had been wasted at worthless things, which is the target I pursuit in this life？ I asked myself, once there was a clear answer because I was young in those days, now the destiny waiting for me in future is doubtless, as ugly as my mood rigth now.
As I wrote ten years ago after Lhasa trip: One or two children, hold his/her hand, walked to home under sunset, told father’s dream to them, the dream spread in heart for many years, never bloomed and yield fruit. Now it flows in children’s mind and try to search a womb to root and sprout, doomed to abortion time and again. The life became the same I predicted before, dreams had buried under heart, struggle in crowds, work hardly and earn living .
I knew that People would become the one once hated someday, but I did not know the day was coming so quickly. It looked like that life was a roller coaster, I had stood at the opposite when I did not aware of it. The memory in mind was so strange and it looked like a story of another man, but the diary was concrete evidence, it recorded the day once I was young, full of brave and happiness, traveled to many place, encountered new friends, we talked the pass and boast future, believed that the world belong us.
Half of my life passed, the door is closing for me since long before, more pressure and less chance, middle-age dilemma. after off duty, I had to awake from busy works, face the reality of life, weak and gloomy. Life is a balloon in the sky, once it was full of vitality, and raised soon, we looked the fresh world and believed that all dreams would come true, after the wind and rain during a long trip, we were old, the balloon became more and more shrank, and fall one day, without any question.
It is destiny of mine, a common man in crowd.